Being a Hero is Harder than it Looks
by fAteD lOvE
Summary: If I change too much, Sarah, promise that you'll stop me." Final tribute to glorious ending of Season Two. A oneshot/introspection of the finale and beyond. Charah. Bryce lov'n included.


Well. I thought we were due for another introspection.

Blame **JMG**, got inspired from his "_I thought the "squee" was bad with the "two beds" comment last week. This week? I'm pretty certain that it could've shattered the planet when Sarah decided she was staying in Burbank._"

It goes on for a while, but I had to get my thoughts down, whether the giant paragraph at the end ruins the story or not. This is about a few weeks after episode 22.

Oh by the way, sorry for the slow update on Jenny and Chuck, but it's undergoing a reordering of chapters, but I'll get it updated a-sap.

Yeah, by unlucky coincidence, the theme resembles another story that got published today, but with all respect to the author, I finished before I read yours so maybe you're just a mind reader.

This is after the season finale, so beware of spoilers. Wanted to get it out quickly, so I'll fix problems later.

**Disclaimer**: If I owned Chuck, I'd sure try do my best to get a renewal, or else…

* * *

**  
Being a Hero is Harder than it Looks  
**

**--  
**

_"If I change too much, Sarah, promise that you'll stop me."  
_

--

"No," Sarah affirms loudly. "No. Chuck, you've got to stay in Castle."

Frustrated, Chuck turns from her form leaning against the table. When he finally looks back, pushing his temper down, she seemed more vulnerable and alone than he had ever seen her.

When the silence overtook the room, both Sarah and Chuck at a stalemate, Casey looks up from maintenance of his weapons.

He lets out a low growl at the stubbornness of his partners. Casey fixes Sarah with a serious look.

"Walker...we _could_ use his help."

His tone was grudging, but Chuck takes it as a good thing that even Casey realises the Intersect's skills could be utilised effectively.

Jaw set, Sarah's eyebrows come together in anger. "He's not _trained_!" She complains. Her countenance was perfectly calm, but her eyes were wilder than Chuck had ever seen them. "It's not safe."

Heaving a large sigh, Casey counters, "That's the point of the new Intersect. He doesn't _need_ to be trained."

Chuck just looked from one to the other.

He had sacrificed his freedom, to be saddled with the Intersect again. The least Sarah could do was let him use it properly. That wasn't the only reason why he had accepted it, as much as he wanted to be a normal guy, even if Sarah left him, he could see a whole new future that included her in it if he was still valuable to the Agency.

Plus, selfishly, he wanted to be part of the excitement. As much as he hated the thought of being a pawn again, he couldn't deny the attraction to the missions, and he hated being left out whenever Sarah and Casey went out for an op. He kinda liked being called the hero.

Maybe a part of it was also to prove something. To himself, to Sarah, to the CIA. To Bryce. His late best friend. To take up his mantle, to live up to what Bryce had expected he could shoulder.

If Chuck admitted he was motivated mostly by Bryce, it would undo all the hate he had falsely held against Bryce all these years. The one who had died for him. Simply, the grief and shame would be too much to bear, that he had hadn't trusted Bryce to do what was best for him, even though Bryce had never meant for Chuck to know the truth of all the pain he had inflicted on him. Poor Bryce, he'd lost his partner, his girlfriend, and his best friend.

It hurt too much to think all those years he'd wasted in a slump and in bitterness, was all for nothing.

That above all, all the lies and half truths, that Bryce had been loyal, faithful. And a very good friend.

A disapproving noise from Sarah makes his attention refocus on her. Sarah wasn't looking at Casey anymore. Her blue, electric gaze was on him, and if he had to decipher her emotions, he would've said it was a cross between anguish and longing.

He finds it a lot easier to read her these days, whether he's just getting better at seeing through her guard, or she'd intentionally let it down for him.

Chuck doesn't budge under her withering look, and Sarah looks just _furious_.

"Please," Chuck can't hold the weight of her mostly inscrutable stare for long. He crosses the distance metaphorically and physically between them in two lanky strides.

Lowering his voice, he looks her in the eye firmly, a coy smile on his lips. "Let me do what I've been programmed to do."

There was grim acceptance in Sarah's expression, but Chuck saw the fear. Fear for what, he didn't know.

Sarah reached out, lips twisted sadly, and brushed away some curls from his temples, rubbing her thumb across his cheekbone tenderly. "Okay, Chuck."

--

_There's a hero. If you look inside your heart. You don't have to be afraid Of what you are. There's an answer If you reach into your soul. And the sorrow that you know, will melt away._

_--  
_

The flash contained all the information Chuck needed to know about the Walther that Casey had handed him prior to the mission.

He was confident enough to strap himself into his vest and load all the gear, but Sarah refused to let him in the van before she checked him thoroughly over.

Casey just smirked behind her back.

Ejecting the full slide, Chuck nervously checks the gun, waiting for Casey to slow the car.

His hands handled the weapon as if he were a seasoned Operative, but he had no control over the way his fingers slid intimately over the smooth metallic body, it was automatic.

"Are you ready?"

Chuck looks at Sarah sitting next to him on the padded bench. The noise of the car is too loud for Casey to hear them from the driver's seat, and Chuck indulges in that fact, feeling the heat from the closeness of her body radiate onto his. He picked up her hand, not yet covered in a protective glove.

Sarah's gaze is on their hands, his is on the floor when he speaks.

"No," He replied honestly, chuckling a little, eyes innocently wide, "I hope I don't hurt anyone."

Her smile was wan. "Chuck," She said, a tinge of her native accent slipping through at the enunciation of his name, "You can't control what the Intersect makes you do."

One side of Chuck's lips quirk up in a 'what can you do?' gesture, and he lets out a deep breath, forehead wrinkling in concern.

"I know," He said, head dropping even lower onto his chest. He mumbled, "I'm just glad I won't slow you guys down anymore."

Placing her gun by her side, Sarah moves her free hand onto his knee. "Chuck."

He looks at her, a puppy pout on his face.

"Yeah?"

Sarah licks her lips before continuing, casting a quick glance over at Casey. "You know what?"

She squeezes his hand tightly, feeling his damp skin on hers, smiling at the flashback when he'd told her it happened whenever he was nervous. "I'd rather you were fumbling Chuck, safe in the car, rather than super spy Chuck watching my back."

Chuck looks confused, but Sarah doesn't want to elaborate.

The car slows to a stop.

"Please be careful." Sarah tells him, eyes glimmering and dark with worry.

He smiles at her, and brings up his Carmichael persona to try assuage her. "I'll be fine. Carmichael, debonair super spy won't let you down."

She cracks a smile, but he can see she's still struggling to get back into Agent Walker mentality.

"Come on Sarah," He says pulling her up and handing her her gun. "I'm babysitted by cream of the crop agents- you'll look after me."

He jumps out of the van after Casey pulls it open with a sharp, "Get out."

Giving the gruff NSA agent a sarcastic grin, he turns to Sarah.

"I trust you."

--

_Cast your fears aside And you know you can survive. So when you feel like hope is gone, Look inside you and be strong. And you'll finally see the truth, That a hero lies in you_.

--

Chuck decides he knows now why Bryce Larkin told his father "you don't want to know" what the new Intersect did.

Sure, he had control over his limbs, but now, with the senses of an Agent, he was propelled by instincts so powerful, that he was forced to preserve his own life by letting the information assimilate into his muscle memory and defend himself.

He didn't want to, but he had no other choice unless he wanted to die. And if he died, there was no doubt Sarah Walker would come screaming into holy hell to kill him all over again.

Spinning around, limbs flailing awkwardly, unused to the exercise but pushed in directions by his nerve impulses, Chuck lets loose an explosive roundhouse kick. So far he had been able to disable agents just by his awesome kung fu skills, but as they swarmed in greater clusters, he was finding it harder to resist the temptation of just reaching for his gun.

His shiny, pretty gun.

Oh lord, the updated Intersect must've been based on John Casey. The thoughts and brutality running through his veins certainly was not his. Or any remotely sane person's.

"Sarah!"

His voice was out of control, and suddenly he felt powerless again, just another gangly teen.

Before he had a chance to recover, the attacker had dragged her, his arm around her neck and in her hair through the door at the end of the corridor.

Patting his chest where the latest Intel from Fulcrum was that they'd recovered as it was ferried between points, he made sure the small disk was still intact and secure.

Oh no, Sarah.

Without a look for Casey, heart pounding in his head, he raced after her, the door banging open with a slam.

Before the enemy could fully turn, hand around his back, scrabbling for his gun, eyes frantic, Chuck raised his arm, somehow knowing the gun was in his grasp.

And without a single thought, squeezed the trigger. He watched with blank eyes as the agent crumpled, a look of shock over his features.

Sarah sagged to the floor, hands around her neck, heaving for breath.

The look in her eyes made him stagger back.

The metal slid from his hand, and thankfully didn't discharge.

He couldn't bring himself to look at his hands, and when he glanced up, John was staring at him impassively from the open door on the opposite side of the room, his stature revealed by the fallen agent, a little shock leaking past his guarded eyes.

Letting out a little strangled whimper, Chuck leaned heavily against the wall, hands trying to grab for purchase to steady himself from the dizziness in his head.

"I'm sorry." He had thought it would come out breathless, but surprisingly, it lacked any emotion.

Looking away, Chuck could feel tears burning in his eyes, a lump in his throat and chest tight.

Oh god.

That had been a living person.

He made a little frightened noise that made Sarah reach for him, but he recoiled.

"I'm so sorry," He's able to stutter out before his long legs take him in a panicked pace back through the building and out the door, ignoring Sarah's calls.

--

_It's a long road When you face the world alone. No one reaches out a hand For you to hold. You can find love, If you search within yourself. And the emptiness you felt Will disappear_.

--

Oh Chuck, Sarah sighed as she tracked the GPS system to Chuck's whereabouts. She had convinced Casey to let her handle this, and he only nodded something about contacting Beckman before she jumped out of the car.

By the time Sarah slowed to take a breath, her black BDUs, minus all the hardware was covered in powdery clay as she scrambled up the hill.

There wasn't anyone at the top, and the sun was sagging languidly over the horizon, looking like a purple octopus that floated over the sea, jelly tendrils reaching out over the expanse of water.

To her left, she could see the beach where Ellie and Devon had their wedding, the dark golden sand glinting somberly to match her mood.

It wasn't quiet here, but the sound of the cars on the distant road couldn't be heard over the howling of the wind over the cliff face.

A sound of a small sniff caught her attention, and cautiously she peered over the outcrop. She hated heights.

Down the rugged, but gentle slope towards the ocean, sat Chuck Bartowski, head in his arms and burrowed into a gap between two boulders, well hidden by the weedy grass.

She couldn't help shivering a bit before she made her way down to him, the scene of that afternoon refusing to leave her mind. But she couldn't be afraid of Chuck, he was just a normal guy who did extraordinary things. The only object to be wary of was the Intersect and its unpredictability.

Rounding the space he was hidden in, cramped and wrapped around himself, Sarah crouched in front of him.

To her surprise, his arms darted out and faster than she could anticipate, he wrapped her in his embrace. The cosy spot was just big enough for them, and she rested against the back of the stone while he buried his face into her shoulder.

Although knowing him very intimately, Sarah had never been so close to an unguarded Chuck, and the rawness of his emotions. He'd always been the calm one. It was all very disconcerting.

But cradling him to her breast, she slowly stroked his hair, kissing his forehead gently, watching the ocean below them.

Half an hour later, she felt him stir.

Leaning closer to his head, she could barely make out his sentence.

"My muscles hurt."

A small smile settled over Sarah's lips.

Chuck could feel her chest rise gently as she spoke softly, "That's expected. Your body isn't conditioned for the rigor of the Intersect."

Turning his head a little, Chuck looks up at her, "It's too hard," He said quietly, "Sarah- I thought I could do it. But I can't. I don't want to be a hero."

Sarah had been more of one who savoured action instead of these long emotion filled conversations that Chuck seemed to fond of.

Cocking her head, she pursues her lips. Shifting a bit, she draws her knees up more to support Chuck's torso. The stone scratches into her back, and Chuck sees her grimace, reaching behind them to pull her top down to cover the exposed skin. His knuckles brushed her skin, and Sarah draws in a shaky breath. All the emotion from the morning when they had nearly made love was still compressed in a small ball, and her heart pounding, she could feel all those feelings surging through her heart.

"You know..." Chuck said, curling into a ball to keep his legs inside their little shelter. The wind had slowed, degenerated into a light breeze, pleasantly warm in the evening.

She couldn't see his face properly with the shadows playing across his strong features, so she bent in a little more. Her eyes searched his.

Chuck gave a bitter smile, "This was Bryce's place."

She must have looked confused.

Clarifying, Chuck closed his eyes before speaking, "It's where he'd come to think whenever he came home with me for the holidays. He didn't have anywhere else to go, so I brought him back."

Sarah didn't have any words for that. Bryce and Chuck's relationship was beyond her. They'd known each other for longer, and even when she had known him, they hadn't been able to be more than lovers that didn't know anything about each other.

Thinking back, Bryce was in Chuck's life so deeply, ingrained in everything that had happened that when the truth was all laid out, that it must've been a shock for him to die. He had left a big hole.

Bryce had almost been a big brother, and sometimes father image. Chuck had found a girlfriend, he'd learnt the proper ways to get wasted, where he'd learnt the intricacies of football.

Jill had had her own agenda, but Bryce did too, and adding in Sarah, it presented a very complicated love tangle. They seemed to all have impact on each other's lives.

He had known Orion, he had been in contact with Chuck's father for so long. Sure they had been behind his back, but they had honestly thought it was for Chuck's own good.

Chuck had been humiliated from Stanford, had been burdened with the Intersect. Chuck had met Sarah Walker, and John Casey. His life, even reluctantly, had direction. Chuck wanted a real career now, he had blindly stumbled back onto the path again.

He'd warned Chuck about Sarah. He graciously withdrew when Sarah made clear she would stay with Chuck. He had been willing to trade himself in for Chuck. Had given Chuck another reason to download the Intersect.

"He must've been looking after me even then." Grief was in his eyes when he gestured vaguely at the beach below, where she'd found him after their first date where the cliff overlooked, a perfect perch for Bryce and binoculars.

When Sarah spoke, her voice cracked. "Chuck-"

He refused to look at her, but she could see his eyelashes fluttering as if he were trying to blink tears back.

"Chuck-" Sarah started again, "When I said you were a hero. I wasn't expecting you to follow in Bryce's footsteps, but the same reason Bryce trusted you. Because you _are_ a hero, you are because of your capability to define right from wrong."

There was a very long pause.

His body was stiff in her hold. As if it were a huge secret, as if he could barely believe it, Chuck looked at her from beneath his eyelashes, in a surprised voice, "I killed a man today."

His face crumpled again when he said it out loud, as if it finally sank in.

Hands curled against her stomach, Chuck brings them up.

"Look Sarah," He said, eyes wide, the darkness of his pupils reminded her of the waves crashing against the cliff not so far from them. "Will great Neptune's ocean wash this blood clean from my hand?"

Silly Chuck. Quoting from Macbeth in his speech.

Her own heart felt painful, but she would never tell Chuck because it was from the anguish of him killing someone. Something she had never thought she would witness.

They had just rested there without speaking before Sarah spoke out of the blue, head still leaning against the wall behind her.

"That's why I didn't want you to go on the mission today."

Chuck raised his head, "What?"

Sarah kept her eyes closed, "I knew you could look after yourself. I- I just hated the thought of you losing your innocence."

When she looked at him again, his mouth was open, in a sheepish voice, she added, "I don't want you to change."

Chuck had a contemplative expression on his face for a moment before a grim smile twisted his lips.

"I can't help it. If I change too much, Sarah, promise that you'll stop me."

"What-"

Chuck stared intensely into her eyes, "By any means."

"No."

Chuck had expected it, "Sarah-"

"Chuck."

Thinking how to phrase her words, Sarah finally opens her mouth, "No. You won't go that far. That's what Bryce believed. Don't do him the disservice by questioning his belief. And I believe that too."

Chuck just closed his eyes again.

"Sarah." He said against her stomach, "What were you going to say before dad interrupted us?"

Sarah seemed composed now, compared to her husky voice and watery eyes when she'd told him she was leaving with Bryce.

Bryce was a decent man, not at all like his cocky exterior, he just wasn't one for settling down. He just didn't understand normality that she craved as well as Chuck did.

She never thought he'd be saying "It's good for the cover" to her, but suddenly she was never so confused in her life, she couldn't cover the tremble in her voice when she'd told him she was leaving with Bryce, but when he'd walked away without an answer, she was confused at the realisation that _Chuck_ had just left her, instead of consoling her as he usually would have done.

But like he usually would do, Sarah admired how close he and Ellie seemed to be, even with their hectic schedules. "It's not what a normal guy would do," She said, reading his mind perfectly, and at that moment, she didn't want to leave the safety of Chuck's protection, she knew he would take the same care with her as he did with Ellie. He raised his eyebrows as yes, he knew he wasn't a normal guy. If the past year and a half had been an indication.

Standing there with the sea wind blowing through her coiffed hair, she watched him beam his way up the aisle, looking over at him tenderly as he took his place with a grin in the line of groomsman. The irony that they were both the tallest and so placed at the front just reaffirmed how perfect they were. When he looked back at her, she couldn't help a small smile creep across her face, imagining what it'd be like if this was their wedding, shy and delighted all at the same time to be a part of this. She loved to be included in everything Chuck loved. And this time, she wanted to be here because it was Ellie too. Ellie, as close a sister as she'd ever had.

Halfway through the ceremony, she'd had the feeling of being watched, and when Bryce spoke through her earwig, she wasn't surprised. She was sure he saw her exchange of glances with Chuck, he had figured out long before she had herself what her answer would be.

Bryce was both pleased, but a deep sense of loss speared through his heart. It was satisfying, to finally see the troubled Jenny Burton at peace.

She couldn't help but to send little glances at Chuck. She couldn't keep her eyes off him.

"Sarah, you're not coming with me, are you?"

Looking over at clumsy Chuck with the rings, she watches him softly for a long time, gaze slightly assessing. She could never leave him. The warmth suffusing her just makes her decision all the more easier. It wasn't a question. She just knew.

Finally, after a little surprise at how easy it was to say no, and a feeling of apology to Bryce, a sense of calm envelopes her. Saying no to Bryce affirmed her own feelings and she felt like they were over, finally _finally_ over. She had no idea what to do here, but she knew that she couldn't leave Chuck.

A large smile spreads across her face as she watches the ring exchange and a longing expression makes it's home on her face as she sees them kiss. This was her family.

When Chuck breaks into spontaneous applause, Sarah can't help her eyes attracted to his enthusiasm, and a huge grin that had been absent the whole day, comes genuinely.

"You know I do." Chuck stands awkwardly for a moment, but a shy Sarah rocking on her heels comes closer, and simultaneously as if they'd been doing this for a long time, they came together. Their promised dance. It had taken so long to get here.

She knew Bryce was still watching, but standing so close to Chuck allowed no thoughts except those of him.

"You belong out there, saving the world." It's hard to let go. "I'm just not that guy."

It's comforting, him so close, her ear by his mouth. Hands warm clasped together, and his broad shoulder under her hand.

She smooths her hand over the back of his neck. "How many times do you have to be a hero to realise you are that guy."

"I want more Sarah." Chuck says, repeating the longing that had driven him through all the tough missions and stress over the year. "I want a life, a real life."

They separate a little, a bit reluctantly.

"Chuck I don't want to save the world," Her honesty was almost blinding and Chuck couldn't doubt she wasn't telling the truth this time. She paused, seeming to gather herself together, "I want-"

"Chuck?" She doesn't like this new development. This improved Chuck is powerful, and she's used to gentle Chuck.

When Bryce dies, he's content, knowing his best friend and his partner are happy together. She'll look after him. His job is done.

* * *

Sorry, even I cringed with the lame Mariah Carey lyrics, but it fit too much to leave them out. Was going for Domo Arigato but doesn't fit. Actually now I think back, Hero fits with Sarah's hero line, but not very well with this fic. Man it's hard to keep them in character, especially when talking about emotional stuff.

Yeah the end is cut off, but I meant it like kinda scene flashes or something. Sorry, I'm going to fix mistakes later. It's just that I'll never post it up if I leave it unfinished more than a day or two.

You know what? I really changed my mind about Bryce, and it's not because he's dead and won't be bothering Sarah and Chuck anymore. But I like him, I like his character, and I like his face.

This isn't a last hurrah for Charah and the show, but it is a last goodbye to season 2. So a toast, to a time of infinite possibilities!

…(Meaning that Chuck WILL come back. And our Charles always comes quickly.)

Oh and, there's a voting thing on here: .net/topic/49974/14522145/1/. If you like any of my works (why wouldn't you?) lol, or hell, any of our awesome Chuck writer's, please vote for your favourites before Sunday.

Please review. Show support for our Charlie :) Cheers!


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